This week I started (and finished) orientation for my OB Fellowship. Bright and early Saturday morning my fellowship director called me to scrub for my very first section as a fellow and I thought this moment deserved some reflection. On my way to the hospital I thought, how did I get here? Its a beautiful Saturday morning in New England, we live on a lake, I'm married to this great man, we get to travel, I've got great family & friends, and I'm about to cut someone open and pull out a baby. I get to be one of the few who cuts and ties and feels the inside of someone's body. I get to watch a mom meet her baby. I get to do awesome stuff. Here's how I got here...
I love Tina Fey. I really think we should be best friends, but we haven't met yet so...its only a matter of time. If there's one book I recommend to everyone, its hers, Bossypants. (Actually, what I recommend is not only the book so you can read it, reread it, and keep it on your bookshelf so people can see how cool you are, but I absolutely recommend purchasing the audio book read by Tina herself. Why you ask? Uh, because its Tina Fey reading funny shit written by Tina Fey.) Anyway, one of my favorite passages (no, not the one where she describes society's thoughts on the perfect woman, "boom! Beyonce brought the leg meat" (I recite my own version of this when I conquer my neighborhood hill on my morning run)) its the one where she explains stand up comedy. She says that the first rule of stand up is that you have to say 'yes'. The scene goes nowhere pretty fast if you refuse to participate.
After quite the lengthy show of nerdy love for Tina Fey, I think the point I'm trying to make here is that this whole "say 'yes'" thing isn't just for stand up. Its really a rule I've found myself living by for some time now. I recognize that I'm incredibly awkward and find making friends difficult, mostly because I hate talking to people I don't know. When someone asks me to do something that really puts me out of my comfort zone I make up an excuse and then watch a lot of TV from the "comfort" of my couch. Knowing that this is ridiculous and incredibly lame, I started just blurting out "yes". Turns out agreeing to do crap I have no desire to do has led me to some pretty incredible opportunities and found me making some pretty special friends. It took me to women's HIV research, medical school, a summer in Rwanda, a month living and working on the Cheyenne River Sioux reservation, residency at a great program, and now OB fellowship at one of the top programs in the country. The experience usually goes something like this: Some one asks for a volunteer or says "you should..." and I, with as little thinking as possible, raise my hand or open my mouth and a 'yes' comes out. The very best experiences, i.e. my entire path into medicine, never would have happened had I actually taken 30 seconds to think about how excrutiating/traumatizing/emotional/looooooong/expensive/crazy/isolating/physically demanding/draining the experience would be. By the time I figured it out there was no turning back. Looking back now, I can't even fathom where I'd be if I weren't here. I like to think this whole 'yes' philosophy means I have pretty good sized cahones, but ultimately, I think it just means I'm kind of an idiot that has gotten really, really lucky.
One time I was discussing residency candidates with an attending and he said he thought one guy was ok. "Vanilla is ok every once in a while" is what he actually said. I looked at him and said, "Man, I wonder what kind of stuff you guys said about me." His reply has stuck with me. "MAndrews, you're never vanilla."
That's the consequence of 'yes'. Because of 'yes' I'll never be vanilla.
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