The Night Terrorist

Day 18: 8/26/14

Crater Lake National Park

Mileage: I have run out of clever things to say here…

People: 2

Dogs: 2

                Today we finished off the Rim Drive at Crater Lake. Its just so blue! We hiked down into the crater for our boat tour. What I was told was that it would be a short hike, 2 hr boat trip, and then a short hike up, but not too bad. My husband lied to me. We hiked down which wasn’t terrible, but the trail is all loose sand which makes standing upright challenging. The trail is lined with super helpful signs that say things like, “No Rock Throwing. Hikers Below.” I proposed that the signs should be changed to read, “Don’t be a Jerk,” but Brandon thought that would be too open for interpretation for the general public who apparently needs signs to tell them not to do dumb stuff like throw rocks at hikers. When I got to the bottom, we waded into the lake where I fell in. Turns out the rocks are slippery and though the tops look flat, the bottoms are rounded and tilty. And they’re covered in scummy sludge. It was hot down there so all was well. Some little kid laughed at me and then told everyone that he saw a lobster. Being 5, he finds the concept of crayfish confusing, but I suppose they do look something like little lobsters. Touché kid, touché.

                We got on the boat and toured for 2 hours with Captain Andy and Ranger Darby. Ranger Darby nerded out over the all black garter snakes found on Wizard Island. Capt Andy yelled at irresponsible parents who didn’t understand railings on the edge of the boat are not butt perches for small children. We saw a small rock slide, a unique view of the landmarks we had seen from above, and Ranger Darby filled our water bottles with crisp, cool lake water. It was the best water I’ve ever tasted. Not at all like a guy in Pittsburgh filling up bottles in his bathtub. (A little Lewis Black anyone?) The boat tour ended and Ranger Darby announced that the hike is often described as a mile down and 11 back up. Like walking up 65 flights of stairs. There is the lie. Brandon took off to let the dogs out of the car and he claimed to make it back to the car in 19 mins, but as I told you before, he’s a liar, so who knows how long it actually took him. It took me roughly 30 mins and when I got to the car, my fitbit exploded.

                Tired, hungry, and sun burnt, we headed back to camp for dinner. Turns out I’ve become something of a camp chef in the last few weeks. Tonight’s dinner was grilled chicken breasts with spicy, cheese potato packets. Delicious. We made s’mores, knitted, and watched the fire. Well, I knitted. Brandon the liar still refuses to do anything productive with his relaxation time. Unless you count drink beer.

                We settled into bed, and around 2 am woke up to more horrific screaming. This time there was no discussion, no crying, no frightened pleas, just screaming. So. Much. Screaming. I cannot tell you the unease and fear you feel in the very core of your soul when you wake from a deep sleep to what I can only describe as Murder Screaming. Immediately my brain turned on my fight or flight response action system as the thought of those 30-70 bears mauling the family next to us popped into my head. Turns out everyone in their tent was fine. The daughter and parents slept through the whole thing, how I do not know, especially since their son is a night terrorist. Commonly people describe his affliction as “Night Terrors”, but that, my friends, is bullshit. When you start screaming like that at 2 am in a campsite equipped with a bear box, you are not the one suffering as “Night Terrors” would imply. It is a misnomer. The person doing the screaming is experiencing nothing. He doesn’t have trouble falling asleep. His screams don’t wake him up in the middle of a pitch black night. In the morning when he gets up, he retains nothing of the previous night’s events. I, however, will never sleep again. I, however, am the victim of a night terrorist.

Day 19: 8/27/14

Crater Lake National Park to Craters of the Moon National Monument

Mileage: Ummmm What felt like 9 days. Really 10 hours worth.

People: 2

Dogs: 2

                After the remainder of my sleepless night was spent staring at the inside of the tent and making a mental note to murder that kid and buy bear spray, we hopped in the car for a quick 10 hour jaunt to Craters of the Moon National Monument. But not before eating cold oatmeal in the packets that probably expired 3 years ago…it was everything I expected it to be. We drove through Idaho, another new state for both of us and had Sonic for dinner. At the risk of starting a feud, Sonic is better than In-N-Out Burger. It had to be said, moving on. Driving through Idaho is weird. You start off driving through the woods, then hit mountainy areas, continue through the rolling hills of big sky country, pass rocky painted desert scenes, and end up on the moon, camping in lava fields. Weird.

                We got in well after dark and decided to car camp again. This time the back end of the car was flat and everyone stayed in place. There’s extremely low light pollution here because you’re in the middle of nowhere Idaho which means we had the BEST view of the night sky I’ve ever seen. There have been many moments this trip where I think, man am I lucky, but tonight took the cake. I stood in our camp, next to Brandon, looking up at the most beautiful night sky full of stars. It was the first time I’ve ever seen the Milky Way. Everything was quiet with the other campers in bed and it was as if the night sky was lit up with a billion twinkling stars just for us. Incredible.  

                I fell asleep happy and was woken by the sun streaming in the car window. Not screaming.