We made it safely to Utah and our first official stop: Zion
National Park! Everyone’s in one piece and nobody has murdered anyone. So far,
vacation is a success!
What we have decided to do is blog updates and post them
when we get internet access so at first glance it may seem that we’re slacking,
but we are in fact, very responsible bloggers. (That’s pronounced ‘blaggers’ if
you’re my mom.)
Day 1: 8/9/14
Orland Hills, IL to Aurora, NE
Mileage: Too much
People: 2
Dogs: 2
We only
had to stop and clean up dog puke once today. Victory! We camped in Aurora because they have these
cute little campgrounds: Lie. We camped in the freaking middle of nowhere
Nebraska because it was free and we needed to get out of the car before our dog
total became 0. It was a nice little
place with clean bathrooms, which is entirely how I judge the quality of a
state. By its rest stop bathrooms, but more on that in a bit.
We car
camped in Aurora and Brandon threw together the car set up as I scrambled to
cook what is now the infamous “death chicken” before the “Severe Thunderstorms”
and “Damaging Hail” made it into town.
It was close. Brandon got this
neat tent conversion thing that clips on the back of the car to create an
anti-bug screen so we can leave the hatch open. The dogs do not understand that
it extends farther than the end of the car. They are afraid of it now.
Just as
we got everything packed away, secured for the night, and literally had closed
our eyes to go to sleep, the storm starts and the tornado sirens go off. After
being trapped in a hot car with two furry 60lbs dogs and no airflow in the
middle of Nebraska in August, I prayed for a swift death. Everyone survived. It
cooled off. And eventually the dogs stopped crying.
Day 2: 8/10/14
Aurora, NE to Dillon, CO
Mileage: Ugh
People: 2
Dogs: 2
I’ve
created a ranking of states based solely on the quality of their bathrooms at
rest stops. I’m not judging based on gas station/restaurant bathrooms, solely
on Rest Stops. The aftermath of the
aforementioned infamous “death chicken” led to both the idea for and creation
of this list.
1. Ohio. Spectacular. By far the cleanest rest stops I’ve
ever been in and they also combine them with the best fast food places:
Starbucks, Panera, Burger King.
2. Pennsylvania. Nothing stands out. Not dirty.
3. Indiana. Again, not totally filthy.
50. Nebraska. Disgusting. On the way home I will be that
person you see running to the tree line from the side of the road before you
ever catch me in one of those bathrooms again.
This is all I will say about that little endeavor.
Car
camping was such a hit, that Brandon decided we needed to spend night 2 in a
Super8. We went to a good little local brewery in Dillon called Dam Brewery and
realized our déjà vu was because we had actually been there before! We once
drove from Denver to Grand Junction CO for an interview for residency match and
then spent a nice weekend in Boulder. It was the trigger for a quiet,
reflective dinner on how far we’d come and where we were headed. Man, we’ve got a pretty great life.
Day 3: 8/11/14
Dillon, CO to Zion National Park, Springdale, UT
Mileage: Jesus…
People: 2
Dogs: 2
After
securing the last possible campsite in Zion National Park for two nights, I am
now the greatest wife in the history of marriage. This place is AMAZING! The walls
of the canyon and the towering peaks look painted. It feels like we’re in a
John Wayne western out here. This is
easily the best campground we’ve ever stayed at. Clean restrooms (I think you
all know where my priorities are), dish washing station for easy post meal
clean up, and spectacular views of the rock formations that make ZNP famous.
Round two of camp dinner was cheesy chicken rice burritos over the camp fire.
Delicious and GI agreeable. We bought a
sticker to add to the luggage rack, or what we’re calling “the ole mule”, and
relaxed next to the fire until we went to bed at 9:30 like old people.
Brandon
has been tasked with two jobs for this blog: Go! Go! Camping Gadgets! where he
writes about gear we need, don’t need, and wish we had; and The Wonderful Wide
World of Beer where he reviews local beer. Now before you get all male
equality, men’s lib on me, he thinks the idea of a blog is great but is also
both the worst and laziest blog contributor. We settled on these two because
they’re both things he enjoys, however since he still hasn’t officially agreed
to these, I’m making the first entry for both as guest contributor.
Go! Go!
Camping Gadgets! first entry is inspired by car camping. I really love the car
camping tarp conversion thing. This saves a lot of time and we can set it up
anywhere we want including rest stops which is great for traveling on a budget.
However, the time saved was subsequently squandered with cooking a full camp
breakfast the following morning. It’s also hot in the back of the car. Best
used in the fall, or where the car can be positioned in a nice breeze.
The
Wonderful Wide World of Beer’s first entry is dedicated to Uinta’s Brown Ale. A
six pack cost $12. It was the best beer he ever had and his wife is a super nice
wife for spending $12 on a 6 pack of beer. (Disclaimer: this may be an
appropriately priced 6 pack, however I do not often buy beer and have no clue
where this price ranks in the Wonderful Wide World of Beer.)
Day 4: 8/12/14
Zion National Park
Mileage: Thank God, no driving
People: 2
Dogs: 2, but almost 0
This
morning we slept in. Until 6:30. Like the elderly couple we are…We took the
dogs on a walk on the Pa’ruas trail along the Virgin River. It was overcast,
about 75, drizzling on & off, and the dogs got to play in the river as we
walked. Then all hell broke loose when the dogs encountered another dog and we
busted out the muzzles. It did not go well…Moose had his muzzle off and in his
mouth no more than 3 seconds after he got it on and the puppy suddenly lost all
ability to walk with this contraption on. Eventually, both dog snouts were
liberated and we made it home. But not before pulling two thorns out of the
puppy’s paws because somebody can’t seem to stay on the trail like the signs
say.
While
Brandon napped, I rode the park shuttle to all the different stops, took some
pictures, and wandered back to camp. We drove the Kolab Canyon road to Kolab
reservoir and just enjoyed meandering through the area. Overall I’d say if you
like awesome stuff, Zion NP is for you.
Today
on Go! Go! Camping Gadgets! we’re featuring the Canopy. Great idea for places
without a lot of shade or in our case, more rain than expected. This will
ensure that when you wake up in the morning, the camping recipe binder you painstakingly
printed, sifted through, and was the source of all your meals for 2 months,
stayed dry in the freak thunderstorm rolling through ZNP. We left our canopy at
home.
Day 5: 8/13/14
Zion National Park to Morro Bay, CA
Mileage: Weirdest. Drive. Ever.
People: 2
Dogs: 2
The
alarm went off at 6 am, we slept in until the storm started at 6:30, then
continued to doze as we waited it out. We ended up soaked, but well rested, and
2 hrs behind schedule. The drive out to Morro Bay took us through Vegas, the
Mohave Desert, and finally out to the California coast. We had a lovely pit
stop in the middle of hot as hell valley at a gas station/casino/fireworks
store on the Paute Reservation. The bathrooms were clean. We also drove through terrain that started
with ZNP and Kolob Canyons, continued into what looked like the moon, and ended
at the ocean.
We
camped at Morro Strand State Beach because again, I’m an amazing wife with
great ideas. It’s the first stop on the
Pacific Coast Highway and it was overrun with feral children. Seriously,
children and seagulls as far as the eye could see. Mysterious absence of
adults. Overabundance of small children and annoying birds. We set up camp next
to a colony of kids, Brandon got in trouble with the camp host for trying to
buy firewood 10 mins past her selling time, and we all relaxed by the fire
listening to the sounds of the ocean. And I knitted.
Day 6: 8/14/14
Morro Strand State Beach to San Simeon
Mileage: Who cares? We’re driving PCH
People:2
Dogs: 2
Seagulls: 85 billion
Yummy
pancake, eggs, & camp coffee sludge then it was on our way to explore the
area and PCH. We happened to find, the elephant seal rookery in San
Simeon. They’re pretty much there year
round, but you’ll see different ages/sexes depending on the season. We were
just in time for the late summer male molt.
A lady described them to me as “worms covered in lard”. This is
accurate. But I would like to add, have the face of Gonzo, the muppet, to that
description. These gentlemen weigh in at around 5,000 lbs and can measure up to
16 feet. And they could mess you up. These animals move surprisingly quick and
have huge teeth that have been known to bloody a few people. When they fight, they rear up in the water
and smack each other in the face, with their own face…It’s a crazy thing that
uses its own face as a weapon. I see why people get hurt. Their call sounds
like farts. Brandon would like to point out that the only people who find this
funny were me, and all of the children. It was funny. I laughed. Picture this:
Gonzo’s head on a 5,000 lbs lard covered worm, smacking other creatures with
its face, all while making really loud fart sounds. Awesome.
After
the elephant seal excitement, we grabbed some groceries and headed back to
camp. Good news! There children were still feral and the seagulls were still
the most awful of all of God’s creations. A 13 month old toddled over to try to
pet the puppies and totally bit it when she tripped over their leash trying to
get away. The Munroe followed her, licking her feet as she screamed and tried
frantically to get away. We tried to return her to her mother, but we couldn’t
find her. Now we have our own baby. No. Not really. Her mom turned out to be
very nice, but outnumbered by children.
Now for
an aside on children. Specifically, other people’s children. I am not a fan of
them. Parents, please! Watch them! You are very near a large body of water,
open fires, traffic, strangers, and dogs. It really bothers me that parents let
their kids approach any dog they see. Our dogs are almost never off leash and
they tend to get a little nutty when they’re cornered, especially when it’s
their dinner time. The More You Know.
Also, I overheard one of the greatest
conversations between a mother and her 4ish year old. Kid: I want to wear that
shirt, but not the dirty one. Mom: that’s the only shirt. The dirty one. Kid:
::screaming & tears:: No, I want that one, but clean. Mom: It doesn’t
exist. Kid: ::screaming continues:: Mom: Go pick out another shirt and I’ll
help you get it on. Kid: Mom! I need you. Mom: did you pick out a different
shirt. Kid: No. Mom: then I guess you don’t need me. Kid: ::more screaming::
This little interaction was hysterical for me. What I enjoyed was the mentality of a kid that thinks this shirt exists in two forms: clean & dirty. Parents of the world, I’m sure
you feel otherwise. Please know that us childless adults laugh at your torture.
We had
dinner and I opened a bottle of wine when some other kid around 12ish ran over
to our site and commented on my wine while camping. I raised my glass, ate my
dinner, and finished off the whole bottle. And it was good.
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